This is my scrumptious 'Nextdoor Neighbour's Catatouille', an eco-friendly recipe that has been passed down from my great aunt Barbara to get you through the autumn months.
1 cat (2 if malnourished)
4 cloves or garlic
3 red or yellow peppers
1 tin of tomatoes
1/4 bunch of basil
A few sprigs of garden herbs
1 tablespoon of cat’s milk
1/2 a badger (optional)
1 tablespoon of loneliness
*Instructions for acquiring a cat: Leave plates of fish in your garden, and move it closer to your house, to lure the cats close. Find a shovel and bin bag, one firm hit should do it. Double check to see no one saw, and take them into your cellar.
- Prep cat (instructions for cat preparation can be seen in an earlier blog post).
- Peel and cut onions and garlic. Trim veggies and pick basil.
- Heat 2 tablespoons of oil in a large casserole pan or saucepan over a medium heat (you may need to do in batches), and fry for 5 minutes until golden brown.
- Add chunks of cat, I like the thighs best, for the richest flavour. I hate waste, so use the whole cat. If you hear a squeal, go back to step 1 - you haven’t done it right!
- To the pan, add the onions, garlic, basil and cat’s tail (the tail will be removed after cooking for optimum flavour). Fry for 10 to 15 minutes.
- Return the cooked veg to the pan and stir in the tinned tomatoes, cat’s milk and loneliness. If you have got 1/2 a badger, now is the time to add it.
- Mix well, breaking up all the tomatoes and badger with the back of a spoon. Cover and simmer for 30-35 minutes, or until reduced, sticky and sweet.
- Tear in the remaining basil leaves, finely grate in lemon zest and adjust the seasoning as desired. Garnish with ears and whiskers, and serve with a hunk of bread and regret.
Yummy! Come back tomorrow for Ben’s Dictator Potatoes.